I find both the Girl’s and Boy’s Guides to Holiday Romance (both courtesy of johncarney) to be incredibly depressing, but I’m not sure if it’s more because a) they’re so truthful in their cynicism, or b) because they’re so fucking dishonest. Because at the end of the day, when “the winter nights are too long and too cold”, and one is really “desperate for more companionship than one can find in the bottom of a bottle of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey,” no one ever seems to be worried about avoiding much of anything. But of course, that’s how you reach the point of death-defying cynicism that allows you to write a 54 point plan on types of girls to avoid, so I guess the two depressing elements are inextricably linked. In any case, we’ve reached some kind of breaking point when romantic fatalism starts to depress even me.

Also, #49 is not necessarily always true. And also, I don’t know if I’m beautiful enough or if my glasses are ugly enough for item #9 to apply to me, but I’ll totally cop to thinking I’m in a romantic comedy for teens. Or wishing!